I Don’t Think I like You Very Much
I like myself. Nobody has to like me because I am the one whom tells me the ones that I like. I like myself because I believe in something. I believe I could be better than the ones that come to me in search of things that I already have. “What could you have that I want that I do not already possess?” I have what is in my pockets.
What’s in your pockets?
I have 3 batteries, a piece of candy and a cat whistle. Garibaldi took the things out of his pockets. The cat whistle in the basket was red and shone like a shiny shineable object that showed the things around it how much it shone before it shined on the shining other-objects, now shone upon by the shiniest of objects, the cat whistle.
“Hey what’s a cat whistle?” Richnard sat in a chair. It wasn’t a normal chair. It was a chair about sex. Just like this story.
“A cat whistle is… it’s this thing in the bucket?” Garibaldi blew the whistle that was in his mouth.
Richnard didn’t like the cat whistle. He said it sounded like a stupid whistle and now Richnard was begging for more of it.
Garibaldi was dismayed at the thought of blowing the whistle again but he needed to satisfy Richnard.
“I’ll pay you fourteen dollars and a pack of cigarettes to blow that cat whistle in the same fashion that you did, yet make it shinier.” Richnard wasn’t being very polite, but he wasn’t pushy.
Garibaldi picked up the cat whistle once more, this time with one of the batteries in his other hand.
“I’ll blow this cat whistle but you have to promise not to tell anyone. Is that okay?” Garibaldi rubbed the end of the battery to feel a charge for a second, just enough to wet his lips. Just enough…to wet his lips. Just a little more to wet his lips with the tip of the battery on his fingers. It was wet now, his lips were and he no longer had to rub the battery although he felt as though he should’ve kept rubbing the battery once his lips were once again dry. He stopped…he stopped blowing the damn whistle to rub the end of the battery. Richnard stopped him. “Don’t you blow that whistle again. Not now. I don’t want to deal with this.”
Garibaldi was dismayed. “I am the one that blows the whistle. I do as I please.”
Richnard took a battery and rubbed it. He felt a sensation unlike before. He felt his lips become wet and he felt enthralled by the thought of rubbing the battery some more. “I’ll rub this battery for just another second, if you don’t mind.”
Garibaldi blew the cat whistle and it sounded odd this time.
Richnard speaks now, “Hey, Garibaldi, do you think something is wrong with that whistle? Now that it sounds partially different?”
Garibaldi was insulted, “This is the shiniest of whistles. I am no longer going to accept the things you say about my cat whistle.” Garibaldi took the third battery and swallowed it. It would give him strength forever now and nobody could take that away from him.
“Careful there. Spit that up or something bad is going to happen to you, Garibaldi” Richnard approached him with caution but it was too late. Garibaldi’s stomach rippled visibly through his vest, the waves that passed over his body were violent and the pressure in his throat was insurmountable.
“Ricky, I think something is wrong.” Garibaldi’s mouth shot open. Flames engulfed Richnard.
A cat out of the corner came to see the problem.
“Hey, did you call? I was walking and then I decided to stop walking. Hey where’s my batteries, I need to call my mom.”
Garibaldi ran away crying. Richnard panicked, fully engulfed in flames running like his damn head was on fire, if you know what I’m saying.
Cat saw the flaming man. “Hey are you okay? Where’s my batteries by the way? I was going to send an instant digital text email to my cat-mother. If you don’t know where they are, can you at least stop..?”
Garibaldi came back. He puked one of the batteries up.
The cat saw the batteries but was dismayed, just as Garibaldi is mostly, or at least was at most.
“Why didn’t you just spit it out before?” Cat.
“I was scared of the flames.” Gary.
Richnard walked over to them now. It was now or later, one of the two, but mostly now or later probably wasn’t gonna happen anyway. It was probably now but maybe later. It depends on if you wanted to come over now or if I could come over there later, but we’re going out for a while. You could stop by later unless I can come over now, cuz otherwise I don’t know if I can hang out tonight.
The cat agreed to the narrator.
Where did you find my batteries?
I found them in Ricky’s pocket. He’s a fucking dick.
Gary stopped by Ricky’s locker to explain what happened that night but Charice had already gotten to Ricky.
“I don’t fucking think so, mister. I’m going out tonight so don’t fucking mess with my plans just because you can’t stop fucking ‘drinking about me’. Why don’t you figure your shit out and stop dating Charice about me then.”
Gary or Ricky, whatever, was like “No way.”
The other one said “Think about it next time you wanna stop not thinking about the things that I was gonna say had you not already said them in the case that I wasn’t the one that said them.
“They both agreed.” – Narrator
I Don’t Agree
I was gonna stop but he was being a bit pushy.
I don’t think you had a choice.
I don’t think he knew I was dating Charice at the time.
I think he knew exactly what was going on between you and Charice.
I knew what was going on between Charice and I. I didn’t want to deal with it. I drank about her all last night and now I can’t stop drinking about you.
Stop texting these things to me, I’m drinking right now.
Where Is My Stuff?
I have to go. I’m sorry but I don’t want to see you again. Thanks for the great time.
“Wait…Charice?”
Yea, what is it?
“Did you have a good time?”
The End
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